A little over two years ago, I was crying to my cousin because I had just found out I was suffering a miscarriage. Not only was it a miscarriage of a baby whom I was losing, but it was also the loss of a twin that Elianna would not grow up with. And when a person miscarries a twin early enough, the baby doesn't come out the way a typical miscarriage happens...the baby just gets reabsorbed into the mom and into the twin.
"You should really watch This Is Us. The first episode is about a miscarriage too, except the character played by Mandy Moore loses a triplet." my cousin told me through her tears, as she comforted me since the wounds were so fresh.
There are a lot of things within the show that I do not relate with: I never lost a dad to an unexpected death. I do not have an adoptive sibling or was adopted myself looking for a birth parent. I do not have an addiction to eating. But I could relate to miscarriage, and I do plan to adopt one day, so that's as far as a personal connection I thought it would go.
Until Kate got diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Even before the show went into the whole route of testing her and Toby to see why it was so hard to get pregnant, I already suspected she had PCOS because of all the symptoms she displayed. It was hard for her to lose weight (insulin resistance) and she worked out or starved herself and didn't lose weight that way either. She was depressed. She was having a hard time getting pregnant even though she was monitoring all of the things she needed to monitor (cervical mucus, temperatures, special times of the month where ovulation was most likely...) I already knew because I went through those same things and did those same things.
So when this last week's episode came where she started going into premature labor, I already knew what was going to happen. She was going to be rushed into the hospital and given shots to keep the baby in (which worked for a few hours!) and there would be family and close friends worried sick in the waiting room. The husband would be overwhelmed. Then an emergency C-section would take place, and while the baby was tiny, he would make it. I just knew the baby would make it, because mine did. Evangeline made it. On the show, the baby is a 28 weeker, and mine was a 26 weeker.
The show did an AMAZING job at displaying the way the entire thing happened for Kate going into premature labor. It happens quickly, her and Toby are in shock, and the family is concerned about the welfare of the baby surviving as well as the future complications: Randall says that there are babies who have defects, brain hemorrhages, a tough time breathing their entire lives...(and as I type this, I literally just gave Evangeline some Albuterol because it's winter and she's been sick multiple times because of all the germs she's encountered!)
The show focuses primarily on everyone who is waiting for Kate to get updates on if the baby is still okay, but when Toby comes out to update everyone...it just hit me in the gut. Because that was Kevin. It was so well done. Just like Kevin, Toby goes out and is out of breath, and still in shock. He explains that something occurred which required Kate to get an emergency C-section, and so the baby was delivered and ...the baby was just so small. And it all happened so fast. And Kate was okay, so strong, she did amazing.
I wasn't there for Kevin when he was updating our family and friends when I was healing from delivering Evangeline. But there are pictures, and I imagine it went like that when my friends told me Kevin came out to tell everyone Evangeline was delivered at 26 weeks with tears in his eyes.
Then Toby and Kate go to visit the baby in the NICU and he's pushing her in the wheelchair. It shows the tiny baby with tubes to help him breathe, and how his chest was going up and down. It shows his arms just laying there outward, which is how Evangeline was for so long, because she was not in my womb long enough to be in fetal position. Her arms always dangled and she was always so awkwardly positioned when lying down. Toby asks if it's normal for the baby's chest to go up and down so much like that, and Kate says the baby is still trying to figure it out. She opens up the little doors to the incubator and speaks to her baby. She talks about how much she loves the baby, and how she would kill for that baby. I understood. I understood it too well. Actually, I even thought the baby looked like a preemie but that the baby was too big. And then I remembered Evangeline was born two weeks earlier, and that in preemie days that's an eternity and makes such a difference! Evangeline did look like that at 28 weeks ...it's just...it felt like it lasted longer...her being so tiny at 26 weeks. It's like time froze. And being at that hospital for 88 days seemed like an eternity.
I literally watched the show like 10 minutes ago. But I'm so shook because it hit home so much. It's amazing how similar it was to my experience giving birth so early. And it makes me wonder if other mamas who went through early delivery went through similar circumstances, or if it was just me.
Ugh, so much time has passed. Evangeline is now 4.5 and my biggest concern with her is that she's been getting sick a lot this winter. But she hasn't gone to the ER or been admitted, which speaks volumes to how far she's gone. In fact, my biggest "goal" for her this year is to get her to read. I'm pretty obsessive about it, and she's doing great. The last time I was obsessive about a goal for her, it was with potty training and she was trained in 3 days! She had a few accidents the following two weeks but it was very rare (one bed time accident, two accidents out in public because we couldn't get to the bathroom in time...)
This Is Us threw me back in time and it made me watch with my heart beating rapidly because I knew was going to happen. Because I'm here, four years later. So what's next? Baby is probably going to go home with a bunch of medications, and will probably need some kind of therapy (occupational, physical, speech) and perhaps go see the pulmonologist, cardiologist, or opthalmologist...but in the end, I think the baby will be okay. And each milestone will be celebrated with more gusto than if the baby were born a typical full term baby.
I love This Is Us. I am so thankful they have written this into the storyline because I felt like no one really understood my experience, and they just wrote it out so millions of people viewing the show can have a glimpse into what it's like to have a premature delivery.
I am so thankful for how far Evangeline has gone.
"You should really watch This Is Us. The first episode is about a miscarriage too, except the character played by Mandy Moore loses a triplet." my cousin told me through her tears, as she comforted me since the wounds were so fresh.
There are a lot of things within the show that I do not relate with: I never lost a dad to an unexpected death. I do not have an adoptive sibling or was adopted myself looking for a birth parent. I do not have an addiction to eating. But I could relate to miscarriage, and I do plan to adopt one day, so that's as far as a personal connection I thought it would go.
Until Kate got diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Even before the show went into the whole route of testing her and Toby to see why it was so hard to get pregnant, I already suspected she had PCOS because of all the symptoms she displayed. It was hard for her to lose weight (insulin resistance) and she worked out or starved herself and didn't lose weight that way either. She was depressed. She was having a hard time getting pregnant even though she was monitoring all of the things she needed to monitor (cervical mucus, temperatures, special times of the month where ovulation was most likely...) I already knew because I went through those same things and did those same things.
So when this last week's episode came where she started going into premature labor, I already knew what was going to happen. She was going to be rushed into the hospital and given shots to keep the baby in (which worked for a few hours!) and there would be family and close friends worried sick in the waiting room. The husband would be overwhelmed. Then an emergency C-section would take place, and while the baby was tiny, he would make it. I just knew the baby would make it, because mine did. Evangeline made it. On the show, the baby is a 28 weeker, and mine was a 26 weeker.
The show did an AMAZING job at displaying the way the entire thing happened for Kate going into premature labor. It happens quickly, her and Toby are in shock, and the family is concerned about the welfare of the baby surviving as well as the future complications: Randall says that there are babies who have defects, brain hemorrhages, a tough time breathing their entire lives...(and as I type this, I literally just gave Evangeline some Albuterol because it's winter and she's been sick multiple times because of all the germs she's encountered!)
The show focuses primarily on everyone who is waiting for Kate to get updates on if the baby is still okay, but when Toby comes out to update everyone...it just hit me in the gut. Because that was Kevin. It was so well done. Just like Kevin, Toby goes out and is out of breath, and still in shock. He explains that something occurred which required Kate to get an emergency C-section, and so the baby was delivered and ...the baby was just so small. And it all happened so fast. And Kate was okay, so strong, she did amazing.
I wasn't there for Kevin when he was updating our family and friends when I was healing from delivering Evangeline. But there are pictures, and I imagine it went like that when my friends told me Kevin came out to tell everyone Evangeline was delivered at 26 weeks with tears in his eyes.
Then Toby and Kate go to visit the baby in the NICU and he's pushing her in the wheelchair. It shows the tiny baby with tubes to help him breathe, and how his chest was going up and down. It shows his arms just laying there outward, which is how Evangeline was for so long, because she was not in my womb long enough to be in fetal position. Her arms always dangled and she was always so awkwardly positioned when lying down. Toby asks if it's normal for the baby's chest to go up and down so much like that, and Kate says the baby is still trying to figure it out. She opens up the little doors to the incubator and speaks to her baby. She talks about how much she loves the baby, and how she would kill for that baby. I understood. I understood it too well. Actually, I even thought the baby looked like a preemie but that the baby was too big. And then I remembered Evangeline was born two weeks earlier, and that in preemie days that's an eternity and makes such a difference! Evangeline did look like that at 28 weeks ...it's just...it felt like it lasted longer...her being so tiny at 26 weeks. It's like time froze. And being at that hospital for 88 days seemed like an eternity.
I literally watched the show like 10 minutes ago. But I'm so shook because it hit home so much. It's amazing how similar it was to my experience giving birth so early. And it makes me wonder if other mamas who went through early delivery went through similar circumstances, or if it was just me.
Ugh, so much time has passed. Evangeline is now 4.5 and my biggest concern with her is that she's been getting sick a lot this winter. But she hasn't gone to the ER or been admitted, which speaks volumes to how far she's gone. In fact, my biggest "goal" for her this year is to get her to read. I'm pretty obsessive about it, and she's doing great. The last time I was obsessive about a goal for her, it was with potty training and she was trained in 3 days! She had a few accidents the following two weeks but it was very rare (one bed time accident, two accidents out in public because we couldn't get to the bathroom in time...)
This Is Us threw me back in time and it made me watch with my heart beating rapidly because I knew was going to happen. Because I'm here, four years later. So what's next? Baby is probably going to go home with a bunch of medications, and will probably need some kind of therapy (occupational, physical, speech) and perhaps go see the pulmonologist, cardiologist, or opthalmologist...but in the end, I think the baby will be okay. And each milestone will be celebrated with more gusto than if the baby were born a typical full term baby.
I love This Is Us. I am so thankful they have written this into the storyline because I felt like no one really understood my experience, and they just wrote it out so millions of people viewing the show can have a glimpse into what it's like to have a premature delivery.
I am so thankful for how far Evangeline has gone.
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