I was holding Elianna tonight and was surprised by how long she was...when she sleeps on me, she's no longer that tiny little newborn but an active TODDLER. Gone are the days where she could barely do tummy time or crawl on her own. She's walking and stumbling and climbing up our small step by our fireplace...she loves sitting and leaning on things and pushing and pulling any big toy with wheels.
She's so different from her sister. While Evangeline is obedient and quiet, Elianna is rebellious and loud. Evangeline barely cried, and Elianna will find any reason to whine and cry if she's the slight bit uncomfortable. Evangeline never wandered into anything she shouldn't have (kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, opening drawers or slamming doors) but Elianna does it all the time. You tell her no, you carry her somewhere else, and she will defiantly walk back to where she came from and defy you. Evangeline barely eats, and we have to not only monitor her so she eats enough, but now we have to monitor Elianna for the OPPOSITE reason: she WON'T stop eating! She will stuff her mouth until it is filled and then try to fit in more. She seriously has this little protruding belly that will probably continue to grow bigger at this rate. They are really night and day.
They are the sweetest sisters. When Evangeline walks into the room after she wakes up, Elianna and her smile big at each other and Evangeline goes, "Hello little baby! Hi Na Na!" and Elianna squeels and babbles. When it's time for Evangeline to nap, we pray with her and Elianna will wave bye bye. Then give it a few minutes and Elianna will wander over to Evangeline's door and start knocking really loudly so she could come out again. When it's time to wake up big sis, Elianna will hurriedly walk to her room and start knocking and come in straight to her bed to try to join her.
Elianna's got a temper. When we try to take something from her that she shouldn't be playing with, she will try to outrun us. When she fails, she will throw it far away or down at the ground while swatting it so we can't reach it. When Evangeline has something she wants, like a food or sitting on the rocking chair, she will grab Evangeline's shirt or her skin and pinch it! One time she bit Evangeline's hand because they were fighting over a toy. Poor girl, I had to comfort Evangeline and remind her that Elianna is still a baby and doesn't know (but I actually think she does know!)
We never had to discipline Evangeline strictly until recently, and most of that is because she's picked up on a lot of bad behavior from peers in co-op. Elianna? We've been disciplining her right after she became one and I'm not even sure it's effective to be honest.
Elianna's speech and responses are amazing compared to Evangeline's communication skills at this age. Elianna can sign just as much but she speaks so much more. She loves to say "daw daw" for "dog" and she signs dog simultaneously. When daddy comes home, she will scream "DADADADA DEEE" and run to the door. She will say "wah" for water. She can say our dog's name, "Esss-Teeee" and she loves watching Baby Signing time, and will say "Bee bee" when it's time to watch it. She can also say "mom" and "papa" for grandpa. All done is "aww duh" and bye bye is "baba"...I tell her to do certain things and she can understand so much because she does it. I say to put items away, or to go give them to someone, and there she goes.
I'm not gonna lie---I'm having a harder time with Elianna than Evangeline. They say statistically that second born children are more disobedient and are trouble makers. I believe in many of the qualities that are usually associated with birth order so this makes sense.
But where Elianna has her challenges, she's also given me something that I never had with Evangeline...
Attachment. Bonding. A sense of being particularly needed.
Some people hear me talk about Elianna and say "Wow, so you really appreciate Evangeline" or "So is Evangeline your favorite?" I honestly don't have a favorite child, because I love them so fiercely, different personalities and all. No doubt, Evangeline is easier. But Evangeline didn't really talk or communicate much the first two years of her life. We bonded by me giving her medications and bringing her to medical appointments to check up on her development. She never really reached for me, or cried when I left her alone. She was just a content, strong little baby who went through so much the first few months of her life that she could really handle anything. In many ways, she's still that way. When she's in pain, she doesn't like to tell me. I have to really question her and see if she's lying. She never liked cuddling or kissing me. And for one of the developmental clinics I went to, they asked me "Does she know you're her mother?" And I honestly said, "I'm not sure." to which they thanked me for being honest because they had offended so many parents before by asking that question. It kind of hurts thinking back on it, but she was my first baby, and I never had any other thing to compare it to. I was just so thankful she was developing well and catching up on her milestones.
But Elianna? She KNOWS I'm her mom, and I know I'm her mom. She cries and cries and sometimes I'm the only one who can calm her down. When she breastfeeds (something Evangeline never fully got the hang of doing, I needed to pump or use a nipple shield, and I dried up at 7 months) she will stop and smile at me. There is major eye contact and lots of affection and cuddling. She is 18 months old and I honestly still leak during random times of the day! My milk is not going away anytime soon, unless she decides to stop nursing cold turkey. And that's hard to picture!
Also, with Elianna, we co-sleep. She used to sleep by the wall and Kevin would sleep in the middle and me on the edge. But Elianna would get so mad and start hitting Kevin's back, and she would climb over him in the middle of the night to be close to me. She now sleeps in between us. On one particular night where she was driving me crazy, I kept putting her on the opposite end of the bed and she would still sob and cry and crawl slowly until she was laying against my chest. I was just driven so crazy and needed some time not being touched...but the only way she could fall asleep was by being on me. I was her comfort and her safety. She needed me.
I know Evangeline needed me too, but it was different. It's nice when doctors and therapists say that Evangeline is way better than any other ex-26 weekers they know. I have no doubt that this is due to multiple factors: the fact that she lives with a parent who is at home to really dote on her, she never needed to go to daycare at a super young age and be exposed to so many germs to her weaker immune system. She always went to every single therapy appointment because of how scared I was that she would fall behind. With Evangeline, everything was related to her growth and development and I have such sweet, quiet memories of her. Just simple, sweet times of reading and playing. Serenity. Thankfulness. Cherishing her.
But with Elianna? Oh my gosh, it's like a tornado. Lots of screaming and crying if things don't go her way, but lots of joy and outbursts of happiness. Elianna is extreme and can evoke a lot of different emotions from me. Evangeline is my calm and quiet. I've definitely struggled with anxiety and fear in regards to Evangeline the first few years of her life, but with Elianna, I struggled with patience and anger.
It really is true that motherhood is sanctifying. I am so thankful for my two girls who are revealing parts of me that need to improve by God's grace. I don't deserve my girls.
When times are particularly difficult, I try to remind myself that these are the days I used to long for and prayed for so fervently.
She's so different from her sister. While Evangeline is obedient and quiet, Elianna is rebellious and loud. Evangeline barely cried, and Elianna will find any reason to whine and cry if she's the slight bit uncomfortable. Evangeline never wandered into anything she shouldn't have (kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, opening drawers or slamming doors) but Elianna does it all the time. You tell her no, you carry her somewhere else, and she will defiantly walk back to where she came from and defy you. Evangeline barely eats, and we have to not only monitor her so she eats enough, but now we have to monitor Elianna for the OPPOSITE reason: she WON'T stop eating! She will stuff her mouth until it is filled and then try to fit in more. She seriously has this little protruding belly that will probably continue to grow bigger at this rate. They are really night and day.
They are the sweetest sisters. When Evangeline walks into the room after she wakes up, Elianna and her smile big at each other and Evangeline goes, "Hello little baby! Hi Na Na!" and Elianna squeels and babbles. When it's time for Evangeline to nap, we pray with her and Elianna will wave bye bye. Then give it a few minutes and Elianna will wander over to Evangeline's door and start knocking really loudly so she could come out again. When it's time to wake up big sis, Elianna will hurriedly walk to her room and start knocking and come in straight to her bed to try to join her.
Elianna's got a temper. When we try to take something from her that she shouldn't be playing with, she will try to outrun us. When she fails, she will throw it far away or down at the ground while swatting it so we can't reach it. When Evangeline has something she wants, like a food or sitting on the rocking chair, she will grab Evangeline's shirt or her skin and pinch it! One time she bit Evangeline's hand because they were fighting over a toy. Poor girl, I had to comfort Evangeline and remind her that Elianna is still a baby and doesn't know (but I actually think she does know!)
We never had to discipline Evangeline strictly until recently, and most of that is because she's picked up on a lot of bad behavior from peers in co-op. Elianna? We've been disciplining her right after she became one and I'm not even sure it's effective to be honest.
Elianna's speech and responses are amazing compared to Evangeline's communication skills at this age. Elianna can sign just as much but she speaks so much more. She loves to say "daw daw" for "dog" and she signs dog simultaneously. When daddy comes home, she will scream "DADADADA DEEE" and run to the door. She will say "wah" for water. She can say our dog's name, "Esss-Teeee" and she loves watching Baby Signing time, and will say "Bee bee" when it's time to watch it. She can also say "mom" and "papa" for grandpa. All done is "aww duh" and bye bye is "baba"...I tell her to do certain things and she can understand so much because she does it. I say to put items away, or to go give them to someone, and there she goes.
I'm not gonna lie---I'm having a harder time with Elianna than Evangeline. They say statistically that second born children are more disobedient and are trouble makers. I believe in many of the qualities that are usually associated with birth order so this makes sense.
But where Elianna has her challenges, she's also given me something that I never had with Evangeline...
Attachment. Bonding. A sense of being particularly needed.
Some people hear me talk about Elianna and say "Wow, so you really appreciate Evangeline" or "So is Evangeline your favorite?" I honestly don't have a favorite child, because I love them so fiercely, different personalities and all. No doubt, Evangeline is easier. But Evangeline didn't really talk or communicate much the first two years of her life. We bonded by me giving her medications and bringing her to medical appointments to check up on her development. She never really reached for me, or cried when I left her alone. She was just a content, strong little baby who went through so much the first few months of her life that she could really handle anything. In many ways, she's still that way. When she's in pain, she doesn't like to tell me. I have to really question her and see if she's lying. She never liked cuddling or kissing me. And for one of the developmental clinics I went to, they asked me "Does she know you're her mother?" And I honestly said, "I'm not sure." to which they thanked me for being honest because they had offended so many parents before by asking that question. It kind of hurts thinking back on it, but she was my first baby, and I never had any other thing to compare it to. I was just so thankful she was developing well and catching up on her milestones.
But Elianna? She KNOWS I'm her mom, and I know I'm her mom. She cries and cries and sometimes I'm the only one who can calm her down. When she breastfeeds (something Evangeline never fully got the hang of doing, I needed to pump or use a nipple shield, and I dried up at 7 months) she will stop and smile at me. There is major eye contact and lots of affection and cuddling. She is 18 months old and I honestly still leak during random times of the day! My milk is not going away anytime soon, unless she decides to stop nursing cold turkey. And that's hard to picture!
Also, with Elianna, we co-sleep. She used to sleep by the wall and Kevin would sleep in the middle and me on the edge. But Elianna would get so mad and start hitting Kevin's back, and she would climb over him in the middle of the night to be close to me. She now sleeps in between us. On one particular night where she was driving me crazy, I kept putting her on the opposite end of the bed and she would still sob and cry and crawl slowly until she was laying against my chest. I was just driven so crazy and needed some time not being touched...but the only way she could fall asleep was by being on me. I was her comfort and her safety. She needed me.
I know Evangeline needed me too, but it was different. It's nice when doctors and therapists say that Evangeline is way better than any other ex-26 weekers they know. I have no doubt that this is due to multiple factors: the fact that she lives with a parent who is at home to really dote on her, she never needed to go to daycare at a super young age and be exposed to so many germs to her weaker immune system. She always went to every single therapy appointment because of how scared I was that she would fall behind. With Evangeline, everything was related to her growth and development and I have such sweet, quiet memories of her. Just simple, sweet times of reading and playing. Serenity. Thankfulness. Cherishing her.
But with Elianna? Oh my gosh, it's like a tornado. Lots of screaming and crying if things don't go her way, but lots of joy and outbursts of happiness. Elianna is extreme and can evoke a lot of different emotions from me. Evangeline is my calm and quiet. I've definitely struggled with anxiety and fear in regards to Evangeline the first few years of her life, but with Elianna, I struggled with patience and anger.
It really is true that motherhood is sanctifying. I am so thankful for my two girls who are revealing parts of me that need to improve by God's grace. I don't deserve my girls.
When times are particularly difficult, I try to remind myself that these are the days I used to long for and prayed for so fervently.
Oh, how I love them so.
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