When I first started this blog, I wrote about the highlights of our wedding day. That was a little over two years ago. And now, here I am, about to write about one of the most monumental days in our lives:
On Valentines Day 2014, Kevin and I found out we were PREGNANT!
I still can't believe it. I really can't. I am now ending off my 13th week of pregnancy, and am technically in the second trimester zone. Because of my PCOS, because of all the blood tests, two of my past OBGYN's told me to that I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. Honestly, there is something very soul-crushing about being told you are not able to do what every woman should be able to do. I have never prayed so hard in my life...there wasn't a day for the past two years that I didn't pray fervently for the ability to one day bear a child naturally. Well, I can say I prayed for something else harder than that, and that was for my to-be husband. I prayed for my husband since I was 19, the age I was saved. I prayed he would be godly, and safe, and waiting for me. And that I would have a godly marriage and be happy with whomever He had in store for just me. Truly, God answers prayers. I am so thankful for Kevin. I look at him every day and my heart just smiles. And I am just so excited for our future little baby Gausselin, because he/she is going to have the best daddy in the world. Me, on the other hand? God, help me. I hope my baby forgives me for all my future failures! The moment the baby was conceived and God revealed me to me I was pregnant, began the journey of my self-realization of just how weak I really am...
This is what I've learned: I am a nervous, anxious, worried WRECK! What would I be without God and His comfort? My goodness. I have heard multiple times that parenthood changes a person, that having children stretches your prayer life, that you find out sins you never had before...It was as if I came face to face with this ugly monster! Why in the world was I so worried when I had a God who cared so much as to even grace me with a child in the first place? I decided to make my pregnancy theme verse Philippians 4:6-7- "Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Believe me, I need it.
I've had a couple of "scares" this past trimester. One of the actual first indicators of me being pregnant was that for the first week, I kept on waking up at 2 am and 4 am because of bad cramping. Even at work, I would cramp and could barely move. I was also having some constipation issues, which I have never had any issues with before. My bowel movements are perfect (haha!). So I guess I could tell something was up...When I found out I was pregnant, I went to see the doctor. She wasn't exactly the most comforting. She said since I was cramping, that I would probably have a "bad pregnancy" and to be ready if it ended early. She said that PCOS women had higher rates of miscarriage too. The next time I saw her, she wanted to do an ultrasound and was acting worried because "we couldn't see the baby..." and ordered a STAT emergency ultrasound at some other place. I was crying and terrified, and only when another doctor came in and said I was only 5 weeks pregnant and that no baby could ever be seen that early, did my doctor apologize to me. That was the last time I saw that doctor and made a switch to my now-doctor. Every woman I've told this story to was horrified. This didn't exactly help with my already pent-up stress and anxiety. The last scare (which will HOPEFULLY really be the last one ever) was last week. I had some bleeding. It was more than just spotting, it was enough to make a woman concerned. So I went to the doctor, stressed and scared for my baby, and she did an ultrasound...and there was my baby, bouncing up and down, having the time of their life inside of my womb! I couldn't believe it! I was so thankful and could finally breathe a sigh of relief. And then, I lost it. I went home and bawled, texted a few friends to pray for me because I was so sick physically, drained emotionally, and exhausted spiritually. These last few weeks had been so overwhelming I just couldn't believe the emotional roller coaster this whole experience had put me through.
In two days, I'll be 14 weeks pregnant. I just can't believe how much time has passed. Before I know it, there will be a little baby waking us up all the time and causing our hearts to overflow with a love that have yet to experience. Our God is truly a a giver of gifts to His children. When I think about all the ways I have planned my life, He has done nothing but shown me how He is the One in charge. And His ways are WAY better than anything I could have ever come up with on my own! He is truly so good to me and Kevin. I am BEYOND blessed and am so undeserving all this grace on my life. The more I am blessed, the more aware I become of how sinful and undeserving I am. And yet, there He goes, showering blessing upon blessing upon blessing. I am SO thankful.
Thank You, Lord, for this gift of life inside of me. We didn't expect it, and we didn't deserve it. Help us to be godly parents who point our children to You. You are truly the giver of every good gift. We love you Lord. Amen.
Pregnancy symptoms experienced first trimester: early cramping, constipation, vivid dreams, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, excessive saliva, sensitivity to smells, breast soreness, food aversions, frequent urination
On Valentines Day 2014, Kevin and I found out we were PREGNANT!
I still can't believe it. I really can't. I am now ending off my 13th week of pregnancy, and am technically in the second trimester zone. Because of my PCOS, because of all the blood tests, two of my past OBGYN's told me to that I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. Honestly, there is something very soul-crushing about being told you are not able to do what every woman should be able to do. I have never prayed so hard in my life...there wasn't a day for the past two years that I didn't pray fervently for the ability to one day bear a child naturally. Well, I can say I prayed for something else harder than that, and that was for my to-be husband. I prayed for my husband since I was 19, the age I was saved. I prayed he would be godly, and safe, and waiting for me. And that I would have a godly marriage and be happy with whomever He had in store for just me. Truly, God answers prayers. I am so thankful for Kevin. I look at him every day and my heart just smiles. And I am just so excited for our future little baby Gausselin, because he/she is going to have the best daddy in the world. Me, on the other hand? God, help me. I hope my baby forgives me for all my future failures! The moment the baby was conceived and God revealed me to me I was pregnant, began the journey of my self-realization of just how weak I really am...
This is what I've learned: I am a nervous, anxious, worried WRECK! What would I be without God and His comfort? My goodness. I have heard multiple times that parenthood changes a person, that having children stretches your prayer life, that you find out sins you never had before...It was as if I came face to face with this ugly monster! Why in the world was I so worried when I had a God who cared so much as to even grace me with a child in the first place? I decided to make my pregnancy theme verse Philippians 4:6-7- "Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Believe me, I need it.
I've had a couple of "scares" this past trimester. One of the actual first indicators of me being pregnant was that for the first week, I kept on waking up at 2 am and 4 am because of bad cramping. Even at work, I would cramp and could barely move. I was also having some constipation issues, which I have never had any issues with before. My bowel movements are perfect (haha!). So I guess I could tell something was up...When I found out I was pregnant, I went to see the doctor. She wasn't exactly the most comforting. She said since I was cramping, that I would probably have a "bad pregnancy" and to be ready if it ended early. She said that PCOS women had higher rates of miscarriage too. The next time I saw her, she wanted to do an ultrasound and was acting worried because "we couldn't see the baby..." and ordered a STAT emergency ultrasound at some other place. I was crying and terrified, and only when another doctor came in and said I was only 5 weeks pregnant and that no baby could ever be seen that early, did my doctor apologize to me. That was the last time I saw that doctor and made a switch to my now-doctor. Every woman I've told this story to was horrified. This didn't exactly help with my already pent-up stress and anxiety. The last scare (which will HOPEFULLY really be the last one ever) was last week. I had some bleeding. It was more than just spotting, it was enough to make a woman concerned. So I went to the doctor, stressed and scared for my baby, and she did an ultrasound...and there was my baby, bouncing up and down, having the time of their life inside of my womb! I couldn't believe it! I was so thankful and could finally breathe a sigh of relief. And then, I lost it. I went home and bawled, texted a few friends to pray for me because I was so sick physically, drained emotionally, and exhausted spiritually. These last few weeks had been so overwhelming I just couldn't believe the emotional roller coaster this whole experience had put me through.
In two days, I'll be 14 weeks pregnant. I just can't believe how much time has passed. Before I know it, there will be a little baby waking us up all the time and causing our hearts to overflow with a love that have yet to experience. Our God is truly a a giver of gifts to His children. When I think about all the ways I have planned my life, He has done nothing but shown me how He is the One in charge. And His ways are WAY better than anything I could have ever come up with on my own! He is truly so good to me and Kevin. I am BEYOND blessed and am so undeserving all this grace on my life. The more I am blessed, the more aware I become of how sinful and undeserving I am. And yet, there He goes, showering blessing upon blessing upon blessing. I am SO thankful.
Thank You, Lord, for this gift of life inside of me. We didn't expect it, and we didn't deserve it. Help us to be godly parents who point our children to You. You are truly the giver of every good gift. We love you Lord. Amen.
Pregnancy symptoms experienced first trimester: early cramping, constipation, vivid dreams, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, excessive saliva, sensitivity to smells, breast soreness, food aversions, frequent urination
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