Some of the strongest memories I have as a child involve friendships. Really, friends just made life more fun and meaningful! So you can only imagine how much it means to me to watch my firstborn daughter go through this journey as well. She is turning 4 soon, and some of my earliest memories began around this age. I want Evangeline to look back on her childhood with fondness and joy.
Earlier this year, I was overwhelmed because when I brought Evangeline to playdates, she would completely shut down, clam up, or act up. Honestly, a lot of the times she wouldn't even interact with other kids. At one point, after an especially stressful situation at a park playground, we knew this problem had to be fixed. Kevin and I were afraid these kids at the park would injure her! She didn't know how to talk to them or defend herself.
At one point, we thought she could possibly be a selective mute. Some of the kids would ask me, "Why won't she talk to me?" Also, her speech therapist said out of all the kids he had taught in group settings, she had taken the longest to finally start speaking to him, and even then, it was ONLY when other kids were absent and she was the only student present. Ultimately, her speech therapist told me that he thought it would be best to put her in preschool so that she could learn how to act around kids. He asked me if I brought her to playdates, and I said yes, but it was hard because a lot of her friends lived in the Long Beach area (Elianna hates long car rides) and at most we would see them Sundays or birthday parties, along with a playdate here and there. Evangeline had a couple of close friends she enjoyed being around, but they were mostly boys, had different interests, and didn't converse much about things she was interested in.
I felt like a failure...did I not socialize Evangeline enough in her earlier years? I did what I could to protect her. I still remember after her first week of playdates, she ended up getting pneumonia and going to the ER. It was hard. That was the trade off for having a child with a weak immunity. Health or socialization? I felt like it was a balancing act. But at the beginning of this year, I thought okay, she's almost 4...I need to really push her to be more social because of all these issues. She's healthier now. A big change was coming. I felt it. I just didn't know what. I had to figure out how to get Evangeline to open up to the kids in her life and find a part-time school for her.
I was scrolling through Instagram one day and a mom blogger I followed put out an ad about a mommy app called Peanut that linked local mamas. I decided "hey, why not?" and filled out a profile and uploaded some pics. I spent a few minutes on my bio and started scrolling through local mamas. I saw a profile of one mama who put in her bio that she had a super shy 4 year-old girl who took a long time to warm up, and a newborn baby who basically slept and breastfed all day (and who coincidentally, was born one day before Elianna!) I was like "Okay, this chick gets it. I need to message her." And thus began the story of a beautiful friendship...
I remember overhearing their conversations and being so amazed at how they went back and forth. One day Evangeline arrived at her house and said, "Hi Parker, do you like my dress?" Parker said, "Yes, I do! Pink is my favorite color. Do you like mine?" And Evangeline said, "Yes, it's nice." It might not seem like a big deal to other parents, but if you saw how quiet Evangeline usually was, along with all her speech therapy development, this was so encouraging!
And as an added benefit, seriously the cherry on top to this blessing of a childhood friendship, I became close to Darlene too! Darlene was so similar to me--we were transparent and talked about anything and everything, we exclusively breastfed our second babies, we understood each other culturally, and we kept it real and didn't feel the need to make our lives look perfect (bc God knows how many times our houses were messy when we came over lol!) Many times our playdates would go for hours upon hours and we would keep saying "You'll get tired of me! I'm gonna stay until you kick me out..." But we never got tired of each other, and we probably did hang out way longer than what's normal haha, but conversation flowed so easily. There was no need to try hard or impress the other. We just clicked!
But seriously...I am going to miss this:
Earlier this year, I was overwhelmed because when I brought Evangeline to playdates, she would completely shut down, clam up, or act up. Honestly, a lot of the times she wouldn't even interact with other kids. At one point, after an especially stressful situation at a park playground, we knew this problem had to be fixed. Kevin and I were afraid these kids at the park would injure her! She didn't know how to talk to them or defend herself.
At one point, we thought she could possibly be a selective mute. Some of the kids would ask me, "Why won't she talk to me?" Also, her speech therapist said out of all the kids he had taught in group settings, she had taken the longest to finally start speaking to him, and even then, it was ONLY when other kids were absent and she was the only student present. Ultimately, her speech therapist told me that he thought it would be best to put her in preschool so that she could learn how to act around kids. He asked me if I brought her to playdates, and I said yes, but it was hard because a lot of her friends lived in the Long Beach area (Elianna hates long car rides) and at most we would see them Sundays or birthday parties, along with a playdate here and there. Evangeline had a couple of close friends she enjoyed being around, but they were mostly boys, had different interests, and didn't converse much about things she was interested in.
I felt like a failure...did I not socialize Evangeline enough in her earlier years? I did what I could to protect her. I still remember after her first week of playdates, she ended up getting pneumonia and going to the ER. It was hard. That was the trade off for having a child with a weak immunity. Health or socialization? I felt like it was a balancing act. But at the beginning of this year, I thought okay, she's almost 4...I need to really push her to be more social because of all these issues. She's healthier now. A big change was coming. I felt it. I just didn't know what. I had to figure out how to get Evangeline to open up to the kids in her life and find a part-time school for her.
I was scrolling through Instagram one day and a mom blogger I followed put out an ad about a mommy app called Peanut that linked local mamas. I decided "hey, why not?" and filled out a profile and uploaded some pics. I spent a few minutes on my bio and started scrolling through local mamas. I saw a profile of one mama who put in her bio that she had a super shy 4 year-old girl who took a long time to warm up, and a newborn baby who basically slept and breastfed all day (and who coincidentally, was born one day before Elianna!) I was like "Okay, this chick gets it. I need to message her." And thus began the story of a beautiful friendship...
heyyy mama!
Thankfully, we had a ton in common too! Her name was Darlene and her first daughter's name was Parker. The first time we met, she came over to my house for a playdate, along with some other mamas I knew (that way it would be easier to keep conversation going, especially since kids can take your attention away a lot.) Parker came and wore a Frozen Elsa dress, and so did Evangeline. We didn't even plan it. Evangeline barely talked to her new friend, but by the time they were leaving, Evangeline warmed up enough to sing and dance "Let it go" to her. Darlene then said that she was surprised how easily Parker warmed up to us; she kinda just strolled in and started playing with the toys as if she'd been there before! It was such a good sign!
our first playdate!
After a couple of more playdates, we began seeing each other 1-2 times a week and it became a regular thing for us. Evangeline started calling Parker her "best friend" and eventually got a matching pair of BFF necklaces at the mall. Parker and her would have such a blast playing together while Penny and Elianna would be on their tummies. Since Parker was also introverted, sometimes they would just separate and do their own thing because they needed personal space. They would use their imagination and run around and pretend to be different characters. They would read books and even disagree about things. And then they would wander away into Evangeline's room and shut the door. Evangeline didn't need me anymore! It made my heart so happy to hear her laughing and joking around with Parker.I remember overhearing their conversations and being so amazed at how they went back and forth. One day Evangeline arrived at her house and said, "Hi Parker, do you like my dress?" Parker said, "Yes, I do! Pink is my favorite color. Do you like mine?" And Evangeline said, "Yes, it's nice." It might not seem like a big deal to other parents, but if you saw how quiet Evangeline usually was, along with all her speech therapy development, this was so encouraging!
reading buddies
eating snacks together
Evangeline really followed Parker's lead in a lot of areas! Darlene invited me to an open house at Parker's co-op, and Evangeline really liked it and is signed up for classes August of this year! Ugh, I am totally gonna cry on her first day of school. This mama ain't ready! Darlene also didn't mind us tagging along to Parker's swimming classes, and Evangeline liked it and is now signed up to do that as well. Honestly, our parenting styles were just so similar that I really took to heart whatever Darlene did for Parker's benefit. After all, we were both helicopter mamas who were just looking out for the well-being of our super shy, introverted daughters!And as an added benefit, seriously the cherry on top to this blessing of a childhood friendship, I became close to Darlene too! Darlene was so similar to me--we were transparent and talked about anything and everything, we exclusively breastfed our second babies, we understood each other culturally, and we kept it real and didn't feel the need to make our lives look perfect (bc God knows how many times our houses were messy when we came over lol!) Many times our playdates would go for hours upon hours and we would keep saying "You'll get tired of me! I'm gonna stay until you kick me out..." But we never got tired of each other, and we probably did hang out way longer than what's normal haha, but conversation flowed so easily. There was no need to try hard or impress the other. We just clicked!
after hanging out at billy beez
our special playdate with just our firstborns at downtown disney
(thank you daddies for taking care of the babies!)
So you can only imagine how sad it is for me to say that Darlene and Parker are moving to Texas tomorrow...they've become such a big part of our normal routine. I get so sad thinking about how Evangeline's going to wonder why she hasn't seen Parker as much in the future! Why couldn't we meet earlier?! But you know what, I'm thankful too. Many child psychologists say that socialization is super important the first few years of life because that's the perfect timing for them to grow in that aspect, and honestly, the sweet spot was just beginning for Evangeline. Parker came into her life right on time! God had us meet when it was meant to be! We've created lifelong friends and attachments in Texas if we ever find ourselves moving there for Kevin's future schooling.But seriously...I am going to miss this:
The SWEETEST !
last playdate pics as california girls together!
Darlene & Parker, by the time you read this, you'll be getting ready to leave for Texas in the morning..we are so thankful for you! You are all answered prayers! Evangeline really grew so much because of Parker's friendship! We are going to miss you so much. Looking forward to whenever you visit Cali <3
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