3 Ways to Cope with Your Premature Delivery

Every pregnant woman has dreams of what her baby's arrival will be like: What needs to be packed? Will it be painful? What will the little boy/girl look like? I used to ask myself those questions too. But things happened differently than what I expected. You see, my baby's due date was October 28. Her actual arrival date? July 23. Yep, she was early...very, very early. I said goodbye to my dreams of my water breaking and waddling to the car with a huge belly. At 26 weeks pregnant, I woke up bleeding and cramping, and later found myself being wheeled away in the hospital to quickly deliver my baby because she was in danger of coming out early and possibly suffocating.

Needless to say, I was a mess. A crying, hot mess. Nobody warned me extensively about the dangers of premature delivery. It never even crossed my mind. Miscarriage was a lot more of a looming possibility and I actually knew friends and family who miscarried. But preemies? The earliest my friends ever delivered was a week or two! My baby arrived at 26 weeks gestation. We hadn't even reached third trimester! While I spent many months wondering about the delivery day, there we were-my husband and me, terrified that our baby wouldn't make it. We hadn't even packed any clothes for me or the baby when we arrived at the hospital. It was traumatizing, nerve-racking, and terrifying. Those three months tested me in ways I never imagined. While I was incredibly scared, I was also surprised at the strength that laid dormant within me until the need for it arose. Before you read on, let me tell you: You are stronger than you know. And so is your premature baby. In fact, I'm sure you won't think anyone is quite as strong as your little one once you get out of the hospital!

There are 3 things I did which helped me during my time delivering my baby prematurely, and hopefully they will help you too.

1. Count Your Blessings. As cliche as it may sound, there really is so much to be thankful for. Your little blessing came early, and he/she is alive! What a fighter! I am aware of the heartbreaking reality that sometimes, babies in the NICU do not make it out alive. Or sometimes, it can take many months before the baby can be brought home. But this baby is yours. And they are special. Celebrate every little moment you can. And be proud of their achievements! Every milestone that they will achieve, most full term infants will never have to face: breathing in the outside world even though they're still supposed to be inside the womb (though sometimes the help of a ventilator or breathing tube is needed!), suckling for food (learning how to suck milk out of a bottle and nipple at 34 weeks gestation? Wow!), and sleeping in an open crib (no more temperature adjustments within that incubator are needed!) Preemies are warriors, and you will watch them make leaps and bounds. Cheer for them! Take pride in this little miracle whom you can call your own.

2. Find a support system. For me and my husband, we had church friends circulate and make rounds to treating us to dinner after they visited the baby at the hospital. Thankfully I was able to be at the hospital all day and night, but I must admit: those trips to grab lunch or dinner were sometimes exactly what I needed. Just a little break from the stress of the NICU. I would be overwhelmed by the beeping noises, the monitors and alarms. The nurses would often have to relay information to me which was too much to take. And sometimes, they would do things to my baby that would cause her to cry, which made me want to cry too. Having support to me was not a choice, it was a necessity. Having friends and family come visit a few times weekly really made a huge difference.
   
   
3. Take it one day at a time. Really. I know that some days you may want to run away from the hospital and never come back. I know that you will go to sleep and hear those beeping alarms and sounds from the monitors as you close your eyes. And I know that the doctors and nurses will sometimes tell you news that you don't want to hear-like how your baby's heartbeat has gotten worse, or that your baby has regressed and cannot suck on a bottle without choking anymore. There's a saying in the NICU, that preemies sometimes take “two steps forward, and one step back.” It's true. When your heart is soaring because you see your baby improving so quickly, be just as ready for your heart to break when your baby has a tough day. But just as your baby is learning and taking it one day at a time, you should do too. Relax and stay in the moment, and go ahead and daydream about the day you get to take your baby home. Accept the circumstances that were dealt your way. Take a deep breath. Be with your baby and love on them. Cherish these small moments. Because while they seem like they will be stuck in that hospital forever, I found myself believing in the saying “The days are slow but the years are fast.” Before we knew it, we packed up all our preemie's belongings and tearfully said goodbye to the nurses who became like family to us. Your day will come. But before then, remember to take it day by day.